Friday, June 5, 2009

Friday Five - Five things I'm struggling with right now

So today, a super vulnerable edition of Friday Five. These are 5 things I'm struggling with right now:

1. My health. Many people know I've been dealing with a knee injury for the past couple of months, but I've also been dealing with other health issues like insomnia, headaches, muscle aches, gastrointestinal issues this year as well. In general, I just have overall sense of not feeling well, and that really affects my attitude, my emotions, my energy level, and my everyday life.

2. Doubting my leadership abilities. The time for us at Del Sol Church to launch our Northeast location is quickly coming on us; oh I know that January seems far away, but everyday the sun rises and sets is one day closer to our launch. In July - less than a month away - our staff should be starting up and I'll be responsible for leading them. It seems weekly I have people from Del Sol East telling me they want to join us at the Northeast location, and that's a big responsibility as well.

I've had several people tell me that they know I'm the right man for the job and that I've got the skills, abilities, and gifting to do this and I know the staff and Walter and church council believe in me ...but in the dark of night, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I wonder if I can do this. Not wonder really; doubt. Constant doubting if I can do this. How can a 23 year old guy like me lead a staff of those much older than him, with more ministry experience than him, and give vision to dozens of volunteers and lead this location in a way that brings honor to God?

3. Concentration. I think this probably ties in directly to my health issues, but these past few weeks especially I've had a terrible time concentrating and thinking straight - which is not a good thing being that I'm in a phase in my job where I need to be able to concentrate and have clarity of mind. I joined a gym this week and I've started working out, so I hope that revitalization of my body will also refresh my mind.

4. Being an encourager. The month of May held SO many illnesses, hospitalizations, and deaths in the lives of people I love, and while it's been an honor to minister to them, care for them, and mourn with them, it's the fastest way I know how to drain yourself. I'm not complaining - God called me to this line of work and I chose to obey Him, so I'm not whining - but it's still draining. And when your emotions and spirit are drained, you find it hard to encourage others I'm constantly finding myself looking for ways to be encouraged in the Lord and to relax, refocus, refuel, and rest my soul so that I can continue to give out.

5. Relationships. The more people I meet, the harder it is to maintain healthy, strong relationships. I find it harder to be cordial, friendly, and accessible to those new to my life, while still investing into the closest relationships in my life that really matter and that need attention. I'm really struggling through this tension of trying to find the right, wise way to handle my relationships.

What about you - what are you struggling with right now?

No comments: