My greatest fear.

I have a few fears in life; I'm human, after all. Some of them are common fears, some of them are perhaps strange. They include insects (especially spiders), needles, heights, being alone, and pain.

Interestingly enough, I'm not afraid of death - being dead, that is. I can deal with being dead and I'm not at all afraid of it - but I am afraid of what will happen after I die. I'm not afraid that I'll go to hell because I am confident that because I have been positionally sanctified in Christ and have a relationship with Him and will spend eternity with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in Heaven.

In other words, I know I'll be in Heaven after I die. But I'm still afraid, and I think it's a healthy fear. I'm afraid of what God will say when I face Him. On Saturday morning I was reading in 1 Chronicles 10 where it tells how King Saul commits suicide, and I was chilled to the bone when I read verses 13 and 14:
"Saul died because he was unfaithful to the LORD; he did not keep the word of the LORD and even consulted a medium for guidance, and did not inquire of the LORD. So the LORD put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David son of Jesse." - 1 Chronicles 10:13-14 (NIV)

Did you get that? Saul died because he was unfaithful to the Lord and did not inquire of the Lord.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, scares me more than the thought of dying and facing the Lord and being called unfaithful. Nothing! I would rather be all alone on a 100 story tall tower, and have 1,000 spiders painfully jab needles into every square inch of my skin than be called unfaithful. Ok, maybe that's an extreme example but it's true!

King Saul will forever be known as unfaithful, and as one who didn't seek God. When he died and faced God, the Lord of all creation called him unfaithful. I can't even imagine how that must have felt and I cringe at the thought of anyone, let alone God, calling me unfaithful.

I am so scared of being called unfaithful and of what would happen if I stopped seeking God - and I think that's a healthy fear. It's what drives me to pray, to be in the Word, to go to church gatherings, to be authentic, to do life together with others, to go on short-term mission projects, to give sacrificially, to embrace risk and failure, to love extraordinarily, to be graceful and forgiving and patient in all circumstances.

I want to be known as one who seeks God above all and I want to be found faithful - no matter what!



"But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." - 1 Samuel 12:24 (NIV)