I was asked that today, and I simply replied "I got nothing ...and it's not for a lack of trying." But the question of why I don't have a significant other is something is something I think about a LOT. In Genesis 2:18, God said that it's not good for man to be alone and so He created a "suitable helper" for man. I believe that I've fully surrendered this desire for companionship to God, yet it's still a huge desire in my heart because I know that I was created to do life together with my "suitable helper."
So I don't know why God has me in this place in my life right now of being single. It's not easy; it's very lonely and I don't understand it - but I trust Him.
See I don't want to date "just for fun." Honestly, I think it's pretty screwed up to date someone "just for fun" because really, all you're doing is taking advantage of them - like test driving a car you're not gonna buy. Sure it's fun, but you're not going to commit and you're just wasting the salesman's time.
I've been told that I have to "play the dating game" but I am not going to use a woman like that. I don't believe a woman's heart is something to play games with. In my opinion, women are incredible gifts from God so I'm not looking for a fling, I'm looking for someone that is a marriage possibility. I mean I'm not expecting to marry the first woman I date, but I also don't want to date someone I wouldn't consider marrying.
The reason for that is that although I don't fully know what it will mean to be a campus pastor right now, I do know it's going to be a big responsibility. I know there will be tension between the work of ministry and my relationship with her and eventually, our kids. I know there will be incredible times of joy, and times of terrible heartache and hurt. I know this will be one of the greatest and most challenging places in my journey, and I know that I need a woman who will be devoted to God and trust Him through thick and thick, and who will go alongside me no matter what.
So I wait and I pray, and I wait and I pray, and I wait some more and I pray some more. I'm waiting for and praying for the woman who will love God more than she would ever love me, the one who will complement who I am, the one who is called to ministry - maybe even the ministry of being a pastor's wife and a mom.
I crave a woman to do life with, to dream with, to share experiences with, to talk with, to bounce ideas off of and get valuable feedback ...I just want to hold her hand, to have her put her head on my shoulders, to journey through life with her. I want someone to be my queen, the love of my life, someone just to be with ...especially at Christ-mas time.
I'm so tired of being alone, and I don't understand why God has me in this place right now - but I trust Him. This particular area is probably the hardest area for me to trust Him in, but I do.
Father God, I'm waiting on You for her, and I love her already with all my heart. In Your time, show me who she is and what I need to do to pursue her. I trust You, Father ...and I know one day You'll give me the precious gift of her and I won't be spending my Christ-mas alone. =)
"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." - Matthew 6:33 NLT
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